Tess Kincaid
@tessmkincaid on her front porch. In a specifically different spot then her husband.
-Theatre-
On her landing in her home is a whole gallery of photos from productions she and her husband Mark have performed in over the years (some, I am proud to mention, taken by me). Mark was showing them all off to me as he warned Tess to get a coat because it was freezing outside.
As soon as she curled up in her wicker love seat she was asking how I was. Saying how excited she was to see me. Congrats on my wedding! Tell me about you! It was light. It wasn’t standard professional stuffy talk. Her answers to my questions were candid; not a PR release.
She made me and my project feel important and I only hope we have all shown her just how important she is too.
Interviewed 2.13.21
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Casey: So first and foremost, how are you?
Tess: I'm OK.
Casey: Yeah?
Tess: I'm OK. I am. Well, thank God I have a partner in life that I like. A lot. We get along. Because otherwise that would be really bad. But you know, it's hard for everybody right now. I think I'm also facing a new reality of late because my daughter has now gone off to college again. So that's a weird adjustment. Not to get too deep in the weeds, but a year ago she was a freshman in college, had gone away to college and then...
Casey: And then...
Tess: Right. And my brother, my dear beloved brother who has been my hero in life … had a stroke. He was in Colorado and he came and lived with us. So Barbara left, there was probably three weeks of an empty nest, then my brother came and lived with us, and then Covid hit and my daughter came back. So I've not really had an empty nest, and now I have an empty nest. And now I have an empty nest in Covid, which is a different reality because now I'm dealing with my empty house because Mark actually is able to leave the house for his job. I appreciate that I have a job that — first of all, that I have a job. Secondly, that I have a job that I can do from home. But it also is very solitary.
I'm a people person, so trying to figure out a way to navigate that. We're all doing that. Right?
Casey: Yeah.
Tess: I mean, I guess people that are that are loners like "This is bliss!"
Casey: Sure. "I can get everything delivered and I can see everyone normalized on FaceTime."
Tess: Right. But for interaction, it kind of sucks. But then there's also that element of when I do have to go someplace, it's like "Ugh. I have to take off my yoga pants and put on pants that actually have zippers or buttons or something?" I do a lot of grocery shopping in yoga pants now.
Casey: Yeah, I mean, why not?
Tess: But I'm OK. All that being said, I miss theater. I miss performing. I've done a Zoom performance. Not really theater, but it's what we're doing right now and it's a way to get the spoken word out. I'm thankful to have my day job that I really love doing — admin in theater — and am thankful that our theater is hanging on. So I have a lot to be grateful for. I really do.
Casey: You and Mark had this in common. When I asked how you're doing, you both start with all the positives, which is really encouraging.
Tess: Oh, good!
Casey: You know, your first thoughts go to the things that you're grateful for. I wonder what's been hard?
Tess: I'll be honest with you, I have a tendency toward getting really blue and I think we all keep that on the down low.
Casey: We're artists. We feel things.
Tess: Yeah, but I think I get paralyzed sometimes by the solitary nature of it. It's hard for me to self-motivate to do something that is not required right now. Because everything feels prohibitive in our lives. There's so many things: Mask. Be careful. Hands. Be careful. OK, well, it's just easier to stay home, but that is not fulfilling. So OK, go for a walk. Great. I've got dogs, thank God. So go for a walk with the dog. That always helps to jazz me, but it really is hard to motivate myself to get out of my funk.
Casey: What was the longest that you were alone like the solitariness of it. Like you remember the first time you went out after like the first...?
Tess: I really don't remember. I mean, because the depression has been so complex because of dealing with my brother's care That just spun my world, and that was the antithesis of solitary because it was all about--
Casey: The houseguest.
Tess: Yeah.
Casey: An intensive houseguest.
Tess: An intensive houseguest that you're caring for all the time and that you're also sad that they're in that condition all the time. So there was that element of depression and seeing how it was affecting my family, and thank God they were welcoming and so accepting.
It's like family. This is what we do that. Oh, I do want to say this. That's what rang so clear with me — and it has nothing to do with Covid — but when this went down it made me realize that the rest of it is just bullshit. It's all about how much we care for each other and how we take care of each other, our friends, our family. There can be a ton of other shit going on, but guess what? It's just shit. What matters is how we care about each other. I suppose that's what concerns me most with everything that has happened during the shutdown, between Black Lives Matter and the racial reckoning, which needed to happen. I want us to be able to come back together. I want us to come back together wiser and more compassionate. I want us to all be able to come back together again because we're such a cool community, I mean the theater community.
Casey: I mean, I feel like the theater that you're at currently is doing a really good job of trying to weather this.
Tess: Right. Right. Right.
Casey: I feel like we are a lot more compassionate than some other theatre communities. You didn't realize how much it meant until it was gone, you know? It still feels like "How did I take that for granted?" I think Topher Payne said it the most distinctly. He was like "Those of us who had it all and who were doing really great work all the time. We were naive to think it was going to last forever."
Tess: Yeah.
Casey: And that art was going to stay the same because it shouldn't.
Tess: Yeah. I mean, we've had losses over the years. We've lost theatre companies within the last ten years that have really been a blow. I still feel the impact of the loss of Georgia Shakespeare — as an artist there, for the work that was produced there. For the ensemble nature of it. It was big.
Casey: It was beautiful. It might happen again. We might lose another. That's a scary thing to like look down the barrel and not know…
Tess: I know. Because it feels like we've been fortunate thus far for most of the theaters to be able to hang on till now. … But I just have to kind of cling to the hope that we are able to start producing again in the fall. I mean, as an actor I don't know when I'll be back on stage again.
Casey: Because all the things will be very small to start.
Tess: Right. It's going to be small casts!
Casey: It's going to be cut-throat auditions!
Tess: Exactly. So one fun thing has been diving more into TV and film work, which a lot of us theatre folk in Atlanta have been able to do, and it has rallied quicker because they have the financial resources to be able to do so.
Casey: What have you been doing to fill your creativity cup. Obviously, you're not on stage and you are working for a theater, so that does keep you in tune in the world. But have you picked up any random hobbies?
Tess: You know, we all watch too much TV now, and I discovered way too many Netflix series that I needed to watch and binge. I enjoy going for walks with the dogs. That's been a pleasure for me just to get out. In terms of artistic endeavors, not really. Barbara got into watching the Great British Baking Show. So we got her Paul Hollywood's baking book for Christmas, and then suddenly we were baking. It's been a baking frenzy here at the house for a while, which is, — plus the Covid 15 — not helpful to one's pants size.
Casey: Yes, we also watched all of it pretty much all the way through. Yeah, I left one day and came back and Dan had just made a pineapple upside-down cake. And I was like, "I'm sorry, what is this?"
Tess: I thought it was hilarious that there was a shortage of, you couldn't find yeast. Right when this went down, it was like "Everybody's got to bake bread! What the fuck? Why are we all baking bread? Ok."
…
I think the other thing we've been doing is dreaming about travel. Because before all this went down, we were hoping to do a trip to Greece. That's my background. Mark's is Ireland. So we need to get those two countries in at some point. But we were planning a trip to Greece and then, of course, we couldn't. So now what's been fun is -- I think half the fun of a trip is planning a trip, digging into where you want to go, the hotels where you want to stay, the tours you want to take.
Casey: Would you say travel is the thing you miss the most? What do you think you miss the most?
Tess: Well, it's going to sound hokey, but I do miss the theater. I mean, I miss just going in. I miss performing, but I also miss going in and sitting next to people and breathing the same air and watching really great theater. I also miss the spontaneous nature of life. I miss being able to say, "Hey, let's go have dinner somewhere,” or, “Let's meet up somewhere and hang out." And it's just spontaneous. Spontaneity is not really possible right now.
Casey: As we approach a year, what do you find yourself thinking about?
Tess: The other side. … I think I'm feeling more hopeful now. You know, in the middle of it all, in the summer is probably when everybody was going, "Oh, really? We thought this would be done by now."
I think now I'm trying not to get bogged down by these new variants that you're hearing about. I feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel. I recognize that my politics steers me that way, too, because I'm pleased with what has happened in our world and I feel like we're now relying on a more compassionate leader. Leaders. So I guess I'm more hopeful now looking into the future. I recognize that's probably rather vague, but it's a lot to bank on. Having hope is important right now.
Casey: Do you feel like you're more hopeful now without an end date than you were before when we had a hopeful end date? I feel like when theaters first shut down, we thought, "Oh, we'll be back for our 2021 seasons."
Tess: Right. Well, now it's informed with appreciation for what happened. I think that we were taking a lot for granted when that happened, not just in terms of the return date, but just in terms of our lives and the gifts that are life and theater. And now that a lot of that has been taken away from us, I appreciate that hope more. I think we're all going to appreciate what's on the other side so much more when we get there.
Casey: Yeah, I hope so.
Tess: I hope so, too. I hope we've learned some stuff, too.
Casey: If we come back and we're all treating each other the same way, I'm just going to be like, "Ugh."
Tess: I know. I think I do feel more emboldened to walk up to people and go, "Hey, stop! Just, stop it. Don't say that. Don't treat people that way." I think we've all learned that from the racial reckoning, too, and trying to be better allies for our friends. So I think I'm more emboldened in that way.
Casey: Hopefully, we all come back and it's all everybody is just thankful to be there, and there's no more — for lack of a better term — bitching and moaning in a rehearsal hall. I hope that doesn't happen anymore.
Tess: Yeah. I miss running into people, too! You know, you saying that makes me think I used to just run into you in the office when you were coming to take a photo of something. Or you mentioned Topher, just running into him somewhere. We don't run into people anymore. I ran into Clifton! I went and had coffee with somebody last week and there was Clifton sitting there and I went, "Oh, my God!" And I hadn't seen him in almost a year, in person. We were like, "Can we hug? No, let's rub elbows."
Casey: Let's just do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh.
Tess: But that was so fun. Because it doesn't happen right now.
Casey: What do you think you're going to take out of this?
Tess: I hope I come out of it more compassionate and caring and bolder. I want to be able to speak my truth. Not in a harsh way, but just to be able to speak my truth. It's funny, I had a conversation a few weeks ago with somebody that was going to upset me, and I was worried that I was going to cry or shake. And I thought, "This is stupid. I am a grown-ass woman and I am worried that I'm going to get emotional in a conversation. This is just ridiculous. Snap out of it, Tess! Speak your truth."
And I'm coming out of this with a lot of appreciation for my loved ones and my family.
Casey: What will that moment be for you (when we return) — like when you're in a theater again or when you're like the opening night at TO? What will that day be?
Tess: Whatever gathering it will be, it will be a gathering of a lot of people in one space breathing the same air and coming together. I don't know if it'll be a theater experience or a big friend gathering or we're like, "Hell, let's all the theater people meet at Manuel's and welcome the new reality!" Whatever it is, it's going to be an event around a lot of people, together, that can hug again.
