Stephanie Zandra
@singstephaniezandra with her kitten.
-Theatre-
Stephanie’s home is one of the coolest I have seen. This mid-century oasis has been her sanctuary during all this, including during her personal Covid experience.
We got cozy and I was so encouraged by her outlook and saddened about all the work and personal loss she has had in the last year. She is an incredibly captivating performer and watching her on stage has been a joy.
I am doing this project for artists like her. Artists I have loved watching on stage who I don’t get the luxury of running into anymore. Artists who we all love and admire that end up somewhere in the ether during times of isolation. Her story is fascinating and deserves to be heard.
Interviewed 2.27.21
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Casey: The first question, believe it or not, is how are you?
Stephanie: Today is a good day. I have gotten comfortable with taking — literally — things day by day because things got to a point where I was like, "This is probably more than we can handle right now." It's just figuring out what we're going to do within the next 24 hours, and if we can go a little bit further and go to 48 or whatnot then that's great. But we're going to stop trying to handle things on a biweekly or a monthly basis because sometimes we just don't got it like that. So today is a good day.
Casey: Good! How has how has it been overall, would you say?
Stephanie: Overall? This time last year, I was coming back to Atlanta from doing a three-month contract in Sarasota, Florida. I was fully expecting to do the contracts that I had booked. 2020 was looking like it was going to be an amazing year, and then a week or so away from today, everything kind of just went to shit, which is a very crass way of putting it, but that's just all that it is.
At the time, I was trying to be a good girlfriend. I'm in a relationship with an artist who was going through a very tough time, as well. Things were looking really, really, really great for him, as well, but things kind of flipped out of nowhere. So there was a lot of me trying to focus on that, trying to figure out how to be the girlfriend that doesn't really bring that up and tries to be really supportive, all while trying to be supported at the same time. There were a lot of things that I had not dealt with pre-Corona, and because everything had kind of been taken away as far as shows and contracts and jobs and personal distractions, there was a lot of downtime where those things let me know, like "You still haven't dealt with these things." So that's made the last few months very interesting because mental health has definitely been a top priority for me and to me. It's been interesting for my friends, especially for my family, because it's changed the way that we relate to one another.
Casey: How is your family doing?
Stephanie: We are doing. My younger brother has moved to Atlanta. He recently closed on a property, which is amazing seeing that we're in a pandemic.
Casey: Just buying a house.
Stephanie: Right? Just like buying a little townhouse is nothing big, nothing fancy. But (I’m) really proud of him for doing that and moving in the way that he's been trying to move. He's an entrepreneur. He's been trying to get some of his businesses off of the ground, but again, Covid kind of coming in and messing things up. It's been great because I'm honored that he felt comfortable and safe enough to reach out to me as his older sister to move across the country from California back to Atlanta and kind of start over, and us dealing with all of the challenges and things that've come with that. We've grown closer as siblings, but I'm not ashamed to say that I'm glad that he has his house so he can go.
Casey: He's not here all the time.
Stephanie: That he's not here all the time, and he can have his personal space, his people. That I've had my personal space with my people. It'll be great. And dealing with the different things that now come with my father, my mom. It'll be three years in March that my mom passed from lung cancer. The two years before she passed, I spent taking care of her and being in a role reversal with a parent is hard. I tell people I don't wish this on my worst enemy because it's a lot seeing your parent in that type of situation and knowing that there's nothing they can do about it or really that you can do about it. Nobody brought this on. (My father) is now starting to slow down and is … not fighting (aging), but he's not helping it either. So it’s very frustrating sometimes, on this side of things, to see a parent having to have their way and them trying to maneuver about it the best way that they feel is possible. You kind of have to sit and let them do what they feel is best for them because they're still adults. But it's just hard when you want to be like, "If you would just let do this for you."
Casey: That's a lot to be dealing with on top of a pandemic.
Stephanie: Yeah. I'm like "It's a whole pandemic out here, sir! I can't be out here running around trying to make sure that you're good! I've already faced the Covid monster I don't want to face it again."
Casey: You've been really open on social media about your Covid experience. What was that like? How did that affect this whole year that we've essentially now been out of our homes?
Stephanie: It's kind of scary because I got it from someone very close to me, and this individual was not running around in the streets or being out in the grocery store or anything like that. She's in her 50s. She was not trying to play around with this thing at all. She just happened to decide "I'm going to go out with a friend who needed some support." They were outside and away from other people, and it just so happened that somebody in their group of people who travel together was sick and didn't say anything. She knew she wasn't feeling well.
… I thank God because this disease has just been taking people that have been younger than me, so I just know that it could have been another way.
Casey: I'm glad to know you're OK. I'm glad that your symptoms were mild in the grand scheme of things.
Stephanie: Mild in consideration.
Casey: What else have you been filling your days with? You’ve said you lost contracts. So what else have you been doing? Have you've been bingeing?
Stephanie: Bingeing, yes. You know, like everybody, “Tiger King,” you know, Carol Baskin? What else is everybody been watching? I watched “The Witcher.” We are coming up on the fifth season of “Peaky Blinders.” It is so good! Tom Hardy is everything…
I worked several jobs. I worked for a company called Costa Farms. They do the plant merchandising for the plant sections in Lowe's and Home Depot. So there was a lot of heavy lifting and moving and walking and being outside. I worked there from the end of March last year to August. Then from there, I went to be a long-term sub at (The Galloway School) — lovely experience, lovely people. I was supposed to be on contract in Florida from December to February, but the good people in Florida, much like the good people in Atlanta, don't know how to stay home. So the Covid numbers have spiked and they canceled our contract. I worked at the World of Coca-Cola up until last week. I was grateful for them because, at the time, I needed a job. And now I'm getting ready to go to Drew Charter School and be a long-term substitute with them.
I Airbnb my basement out. That's been really helpful because people are still traveling. You know, the world has not stopped. People have to bring in funds.
I did a couple of readings. I did a reading for a friend of mine, Efe, for Herschell, A Song for Adaze. We did a reading for the first act of that musical that she is writing and workshopping. It's a beautiful story.
Casey: At the Atlanta Musical Theatre Festival?
Stephanie: Oh, yes! Yes, yes. Are you there?
Casey: I'm the managing director!
Stephanie: Oh, I did not know that! That is so dope.
Casey: So I read, we selected her piece. It's incredible.
Stephanie: I love it. They're gearing up to workshop the second act in about a month or so. So that's going to be very exciting.
Casey: What character are you reading?
Stephanie: She's the older cousin who's angry about the fact that her cousin Adeze? and her brother are going to ascend to the throne, and she feels like her family are the ones that should do it. It's very fun to play her. I always find it fun when I'm playing the villain or the antagonist in any type of story.
Casey: She is not nice.
Stephanie: It's always fun when I get to play around with that because I feel like it helps me to stretch my repertoire and my mindset as far as the different characters that I can go into. I also did a reading for "Pretty Pants Bandit," where I played the sister to the main male character.
Casey: So you know, my husband, Dan Ford?
Stephanie: Yes! It was very fun being alongside him. It was lovely.
Casey: It's a great show.
Stephanie: Yes. I was hoping to do more talking back about the script, but yes, the music in it is so good. It's just like "Who told you all to be writing all these great songs?" But, no, it was extremely fun to workshop.
I'll be doing the Jennie T. Anderson concert series, finally. That was one of the contracts that got canceled for me last year. I was supposed to be in "Chess" and that got canceled. Oh, I was looking forward to it! Then I was supposed to help to Assistant Music Direct "Nine," and then that got canceled. And I was like, "Listen, we're going to do a show! This is going to happen!" So when they sent out the stuff for "Once on this Island," I was like, "Here. Take it. Let's go." So I'm looking forward to that as well.
Things currently are on the on the up and up, they're on the upswing. I'm very happy with the theatre companies such as the Jennie T. Anderson Theatre that are going out on a limb. They're just trying something, not only to keep theater alive, but to keep us as performers alive and to give us something to bite our teeth into, even though it's not at the same frequency or consistency that it had been before.
I feel like, especially in Atlanta, some of the smaller theater companies or host theaters that are doing so much great work are kind of getting overshadowed by, "Look at what this great, big theater company that normally does things because they have the funding to do it. Look at what they're doing." Whereas, the Jenny T. Anderson Theater and True Colors and several other theater companies have been out there hustling.
Casey: What is it like for you to create during this time? How do you find the motivation? How has your process been changed?
Stephanie: It's been challenging, but recently I've been looking at it more as a welcome challenge. With the mental health stuff that I went through last year, it was very "I don't want to try because I don't know what the outcome will be," which is very crippling. But it's a real thing that people get into a position of being like, "I want better, but I've been in this position, I've been in this space of doing things for so long that I don't know what it's going to be like for me to step outside of this, and it might just be safer for me to just stay right here." But, of course, that's like a prison within itself.
So one thing that I have been doing is trying to support those around me who are doing the things that I want to do so that I can be within that atmosphere. Not to, kind of, jump on to them and hang on to their dream, but I work well when I'm around the things that I want. …
I've been challenging myself to ask for help more, challenging myself to just put myself into the room so that I can be in the energy and be in the space. I assisted Sterling Baker-McClary. He is a songwriter and musical artist by the name of Flash Baker. He just dropped an album a couple of days ago, and I was so proud of the fact that I helped with that. I assisted with harmonies and arranging things, as far as vocal placement. Some of our other friends within that collective, we've all been trying to focus on our individual music. So now I have all of the tools that I need to be able to put my own stuff out as an artist, as Stephanie Zandra, because I'm just in that space, in that collective artists who are like-minded, who know my sound, who know the things that I'm trying to put out for myself.
Casey: I'm so encouraged that you're finding more self-worth with other people. I'm happy you're hopefully on the up and up. What do you miss?
Stephanie: I miss people. I know that's so broad, but I grew up inside of church, so Sunday gatherings, Sunday church, choirs, praise teams, deacons getting up and singing, being able to greet your neighbor, like all that type of stuff is ingrained within me. So when I go into my home church now, everything is virtual and there's a certain amount of people who can be in the building at one time. And the fact that I can't hug my pastor or I literally cannot go within six feet of anybody in that building without somebody yelling at me "Six feet! Six feet!" On one hand I'm like, "I'm grown. You don't tell me what to do." But at the same time, I have to respect the rules of this space because people could get sick, because I got sick.
I miss being able to not be ashamed of being in a group of people and having to be conscious of posting things, because there are the folks who are like, "How selfish can you be to be sitting in a living room with five people?" Because I want to sit in a living room with five people. It's just hard. I have an aunt who lives in the city and I can't go see her because she's nervous about getting sick. With my father, (I have) to be very cautious of being around him, especially when I did get sick, because he turns 65 today. Today's his birthday. …
I miss festivals in Atlanta. I just miss being able to go outside and not having to worry, "Did I put a mask in my pocket before I left out of the house?" I miss wearing lipstick. I miss being able to look cute and not have to worry, "Oh, did this get smudged or rubbed up against a fabric or something like that?" It's just so so annoying.
Casey: I think the group-of-people guilt is really real. You want to be safe, but you're also like "I'm a human. I need to see people." You're on point. As we are approaching the first year anniversary of the pandemic, what do you find yourself thinking about?
Stephanie: That a year ago, on the day Corona hit, I was supposed to be getting on a plane and getting on a ship and taking a cruise. Corona owes me a two-week cruise!
I'm reflecting on the fact that we have no control over anything, and that you have to make do with or make the best of with what you have. None of us could have foreseen any of this happening. And we've seen epidemics before. It's not like Ebola hasn't been around since all of us had been alive, and while it's ravaged through Africa and other surrounding places, it's never really reached over here. So the fact that this was able to come out of an Asian country and make its way all the way through Asia, all the way through Europe, all the way into Africa, and all the way over here is just like, "What is going on?"
I reflect on this country as a whole, understanding that this government does not care about us. When people start understanding that, yes, there is a racism problem. Yes, there is a sexism problem. Yes, there is a classism problem. But once we, as a people, realize that this not like black versus white, or man versus woman or anything like that, it's us versus them. The them's decided that we did not need a monthly or a weekly stipend to keep us inside our houses and to make sure that we, as a country, would be fine. They basically were just like, "Yeah, y'all need to stay home, but we're not going to pay your rent and we're not going to pay your mortgage. We're not going to pay your bills, so if you get evicted, that's on you because you shouldn't have gone to work. But you got to stay home because if you don't stay home, you're gonna get sick." How does that work?
Casey: I think we very clearly learned that it doesn't.
Stephanie: For the life of me, I'm just don't understand how these Third World countries and these places that you all have said that we're so much better than, are freely walking without masks today because they shut down their countries, they shut down their trading and their tourism, they put people on curfews and told them that, “You all need to be inside of your house at such and such a time.” And lo and behold, people obey the rules because their country was taking care of them, and they were done in a matter of weeks. … Other countries, like Australia or France or Italy, they all quarantined and were out within a matter of three to six months, and our country just is like, "No, we'll be fine." … If nothing else, I oftentimes hope that people in this country who kind of felt like, "Oh, we're so different,” or “We're so divided," I hope that people understand that we have a lot more in common than you all would think — and that is if we do not have the money and if we do not have the funds, that this country will continue to show us that they don't care about us.
Casey: Final thoughts. What things will you take out of what you've been through and what you remember?
Stephanie: One thing I've learned is that grace and patience go hand in hand. Not only is it something to give out, but it's also something to receive for yourself. I've definitely learned to give a lot more grace and patience to myself, which I didn't really know how to do. I didn't know that was something that you should do within yourself. So learning how to do that has been very great because you have to in this pandemic. We have nothing better to do but to be patient. …
Unfortunately, this is not the first pandemic that the Earth has ever had to live through. We seem to have one every 100 years, and if people could survive through all of those different pandemics and epidemics and things, who's to say that we can't do the same thing? Growing up in church, every little anything that happens is like, "Oh, Jesus is coming back!" You know what? I believe that Jesus is one day coming back. I just think if he didn't come back at 9/11, if he didn't come back at 2000, and if he didn't come back when all these people were getting shot up and everything, then I'm pretty sure that we will make it through this. We will survive through this and it will be fine. We've lost a lot. We lost a lot of people. We've lost a lot as far as finances. People have lost their homes, their jobs, but we're still here. Even though some of us didn't know how we were going to do it. …
We made it this far, so who's to say how much farther we can continue on?
