Taryn Carmona
@tarynjanelle in her creek side oasis down the hill from her home.
-Theatre-
I hadn’t really talked with Taryn in a couple years. She was a teaching artist at the Alliance when I was there and I knew she was amazing at what she does. But, as with many of my working relationships before our current unrest, I hadn’t had more then a surface-deep conversation with her.
Like a lot of my interviews lately, you will only be reading about half of our conversation. After the recording had stopped we continued to talk more in-depth about Atlanta theatre and our worries and hopes for its future.
I’m thankful for a lot of things I’ve gained during these last few months, but a big thing I’m thankful for is that my fellow artists are willing to talk openly with me, especially Taryn.
Interviewed 7.10.20
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Casey: First and foremost, how are you doing?
Taryn: You know, I am doing pretty well. Yeah. I don't have a horrible Covid story. It has been a good time for my family. We got to build this because we just did this over the past couple months. It was completely wooded. We built the playroom like there's been—you know, the things I like to do. And I'm an arts administrator, so we—for the time being—still have jobs. I lost all of my performing, but I didn't lose a little bit to keep me going. So it's been actually great getting to know my kids a little better. And the challenges have been there, but it hasn't been a bad time.
Casey: How is the family? How are your kids?
Taryn: They are well. They miss school very much. And my youngest is going into pre-K this next year. So, you know, her first go at school is going to be very, very difficult. And she didn't get to say bye to the daycare that she went to, like for all of her life up to this point just about. And so, you know, there's some emotional stuff that they are dealing with. But we are luckier than other families in that we have our own house. We own our property. So we were able to make adjustments for our situation. So they don't know that things are hard.
Casey: So obviously, you did this beautiful backyard area and the playroom. What else have you actually been doing?
Taryn: Well, I've been working. You know, I'm the education director at Synchronicity Theatre or the director of Playmaking for Kids, which is our education program. So in the first few weeks, I transitioned our entire department, which is, you know, me. I work for the department and we contract teaching artists. So I overhauled our whole system. I rewrote the curriculum and came up with a new registration system that could accommodate all of the after-school kids that were affected, and came up with things that we could do with them so that we didn't lose — as a company — didn't lose all of that money. We didn't want to have to refund everyone clearly … And then on my other business side, I finished my website. I say finished — it's always a work in progress. I've been building this community for a couple years now online and now filling it. And I had a lot more time to devote to my business. So that's been excellent. And things are going very well in that regard. So, yeah, it's been a good time, actually.
Casey: How is it creating and working for your business? Are there days that are harder to do it than others?
Taryn: I definitely identify as a workaholic, but I feel like a lot of creatives do because our work is fun, and it's not so much work as like who we are. I got into interior design a couple years ago and I've really been learning about how you put those colors together. The part I like about it is how do you make a room make a person feel a certain thing? And so I have gotten pretty good at that, if I do say so myself. So coming out here was just kind of another interior design or exterior design project, you know what I mean? So yeah, I've been honing my skills and the interior design thing kind of came out of nowhere when I had my baby. And she was here, and I was here at home for the first time, and we had just bought the house …
My brother had just passed and I was stressed out, and I had lost a job that I thought was going to be an excellent job and it wasn't an excellent job. So I was dealing with the loss of a job, which like never happens to me. But understanding that that's kind of what needed to happen. I was pregnant and taking care of my dying brother and his children, and I was not a good employee. But if I had to do it again, I would do that same thing every single time, but it still came with a lot of guilt … So interior design kind of saved my mental state at that time.
Casey: Is there anything that you are longing for right now?
Taryn: I guess just connection. My love language is not physical touch, so I guess that my personality has helped me navigate this and not feel like I'm missing out on too much.
Casey: What is your love language?
Taryn: It's quality time and acts of service.
Casey: You're getting a lot of that with your family.
Taryn: That's what I mean. I'm spending a lot of time feeling love in the ways that I receive love. I also am not like a social butterfly. I keep my circle kind of small. And since I have all of my village, we are all sane people who have been wearing masks and quarantining. So I've seen them, you know what I mean? Like I hang out with them. So honestly, the only thing I miss is being in the classroom, the actual physical part of what I do. Even the hard stuff, like the racial reckoning stuff. I guess that's where my stress has really come from, is in that part of things and not Covid. Covid is just a thing, and I just adjusted to it. What I miss is my friends that I'm going to lose and that I have lost because they are not who I thought they were. That's who I miss.
Casey: And that won't come back.
Taryn: No.
Casey: How has Black Lives Matter changed this for you?
Taryn: Yeah, those are some tough conversations we've been having. I will say, though, I normalize tough conversations in our house. I mean, I just told you about my brother dying, and then that was their father and we had to tell them he died. And we've had to navigate everything that's popped up since then. So the tough conversations are a part of life here. And I've also talked to them about some of the challenges of being Black before this, but understanding that I like had to show them videos of the riots so that they would understand, and to share some stories with them that I never told them. We watched “13th”. I watched “13th” three times in one day, and I watched it by myself and I just cried. And then I had my kids watch it and I cried, and that one took — I think it's like a two and a half hour movie and it took us about double that because I kept stopping to explain at every single pass, and go back, and then get other resources sometimes.
So that has been hard. And their wide eyes processing that things are different for them and having conversations and saying that, you know, we really need you to follow instructions because it could literally cost you your life if you don't. And recognizing that, like, I'm a fucking parent, you know what I mean? Like it came out of nowhere. I am [a parent] and I have to figure out what to do with them. And if I don't tell them, then they could just get shot on the street because they didn't know. That's heavy, man. And figuring out who to bring into their lives because, man, have I been disappointed. I mean, I grew up in Alabama and spent most of my life in the South, so there are lots of people that have broken my heart. Having those conversations about why those people are not going to be in our lives anymore is difficult, especially since the people don't always understand why.
Casey: How do you think your kids are handling the stuff that you're sharing with them? Because you've got the two older—eight and seven, right? So your four-year-old may be still in the dark about it?
Taryn: Yeah. I mean, she asks questions like, "Why did that guy die?" Death is, you know, also a part of our life because I'd mentioned their father to them and they know he's dead and they've been known he's dead, clearly. So the fact that there are people dying out there—it's not shocking to them that people are dying, you know what I mean? And I have mixed feelings about that.
I think they're handling it better than I am. I think I'm having these conversations with them and I'm just like bawling, and they're like, "It's okay, Mom." It's rough, but they ask more questions now and that's awesome.
Casey: I think that's really great that you are having these conversations with them.
Taryn: It doesn't always feel great but it will be great.
Casey: Of course, it's probably terrifying.
Taryn: It is so terrifying, all of it. I just can't even believe I'm living through—That has been the biggest thing is just looking at life, the racial stuff, which, you know, I'm 35, this is not the first racial, not the first riots. Not the first and not the last. And I told them that too, that this is going to be your fight. And having to look at my kids at eight and seven and know that when they're 35 they're gonna be fighting it, and they will probably have to have the same conversation with their kids. That's devastating.
Casey: You don't think that the stuff that's happening now will have any sort of lasting long term effect?
Taryn: Oh, no. It will most certainly have lasting, long-term effect but we're talking about overhauling a system that's been in place for centuries, you know what I mean? Because every single time something like this [happens], it has long-lasting effect, right? It took a literal war to abolish slavery. So then those effects are long-lasting, and then the civil rights movement happens. A lot happened in between them. But, you know, the big things. So, yeah, they always have lasting results. I mean, the policy changes that are coming and that have already been passed, whether it comes out of saving face or not, they came. So that's lasting change. It's going to be at least a process to dismantle it at the very least. And who wants to be on that side of history when you do? But the notion that by the time my kids are adults, that they could walk out the house and not be judged by the color of their skin? No, that's not going to happen in no 20 years. No.
Casey: That's hard. What do you think you and your kids, but also the world, will take out of this time?
Taryn: Well, I think what the world can do is remember, number one, and remember what they felt in the moment. Because I do think that people have the ability to learn and grow. And even if it doesn't happen today, maybe it takes, you know, your neighbor being shot for you to believe it. That sucks, but maybe it does. I think we should continue to have the hard conversations. Growth comes when you're uncomfortable. It doesn't come when you're comfortable. So that's what we need to do …
You can be the person that fights for what you believe, or fights for the underdog, or stands up and says what is right. You can always be that person, and it makes people uncomfortable when you're that person. I've learned that firsthand more than one time in my life, but it also has forced change. I have been on the front end and even just right now, you know what I mean? The past week has been very difficult. I don't posture, so most people don't know about most of my successes. It's strange to have a lot of attention at one time, and that has happened in kind of the past week. But it also meant that some of these conversations happened and that some of these connections that I've been trying to make for years happened. So you can change your world. Do it.
Casey: Yeah. I hope that is something that we take out of this. That's brilliant. Do you have anything else you want to share?
Taryn: Join the Boulevard Community. We are building a community for creatives to weather times like this. I've spent the past three years using my own money to build resources for creative professionals. All we need is them. We're ready. We're ready for you.
