Megan Poole
@meganbabyyy on the steps to her back patio.
-Theatre-
I don’t remember the first time I met Megan but I can easily remember the first headshot session we had together. She had mermaid-y green hair. They are still to this day some of my favorite headshots I’ve ever taken.
But as we all know, those who appear the most confident have their own worries and concerns just like the rest of us insecure dorks. I was lucky enough to catch Megan on a warm day and on an upswing after some very sad news.
No matter what her emotional state, I still think she is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. I’m sure she knows that but I’m happy to tell her whenever she needs to hear it.
Interviewed 2.23.21
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Casey: First and foremost, how are you?
Megan: Today, actually, I'm really OK and that feels good. Because the sun is out and, yeah, today's good.
Casey: How's it been over the last year? I literally have not seen you.
Megan: I truly haven't seen you. Not once. It's been challenging. It's been eye-opening. It's been hard. But I think through it all, just allowing myself to feel everything as it's happening instead of pushing myself to something I'm not ready to do has been a gift. I don't know where it came from, but I guess survival mode and how we had to adapt, especially since I live by myself. Of course, I have (my dog) Romeo, but you know, for someone who thrives off of other people, it's definitely been a day-by-day situation.
Casey: On the cusp of some change, hopefully.
Megan: I can definitely breathe a little easier.
Casey: So what have you been filling your days with since we last saw each other?
Megan: It's been so nice to figure out what I enjoy doing outside of a workforce. It's been hard not having multiple jobs for the first time in like five-plus years. I have loved having early, slow mornings with puzzles and my books, and I have cookbooks now that I love, and I've tried new things that I hadn't before. Slowing down has been really trying for me, so finding these things that do take a lot of patience, like a new recipe or a thousand-piece puzzle, has been helping my mind stay a bit more stable. And finding all these new routines. It blows me away how fast everything used to be. I can't believe how fast everything was. God, it overwhelms me. How did we do that to ourselves? I'm so grateful for slowing down and realizing so many beautiful things that I missed before. Like simply sitting on this patio and reading my books and making an afternoon cocktail at 2:00 p.m., you know, because what else?
Casey: You'll be in bed by 6, so you might as well. It's cocktail hour.
Megan: Oh, I love that. I love being in bed by 10 p.m. every night.
Casey: It sounds like the slowing down has been a benefit, but it also has been a year. Were there times when slowing down was really hard? What has been the hardest?
Megan: I guess the hardest has been connection. I'm at a place where I so deeply want that and have finally found a place where I feel good about opening myself. It's been a whole process of a year, let me tell you.
My mind has been the biggest thing, too. There have been days where I have just been walking aimlessly around my apartment, like, "Why can't I do anything?" And that leads to a sudden panic attack of big tears and big feelings out of nowhere. It would start such a good day, and then I would find myself getting antsier and antsier because I couldn't go anywhere or do anything because nothing was open, and you couldn't do anything before we knew how to adapt. It was just horrific. I would call my mom, and thank God for her because I would just call her crying, and she would always answer. And I was like, "I don't know why I'm crying, but I am." Having to go through those feelings alone was really tough.
Casey: I can't imagine isolating alone. How have you been able to connect with people? Obviously, we're texting and Facetiming, but has that been enough?
Megan: Oh, well, since I am alone I do have a little more liberty in how I can go about things. I've kept my close ones dear to me. I have a solid group of like five people that I keep near me.
Casey: That you've been seeing?
Megan: Yeah, and for that, I've been really grateful. I have established new friendships that I've always wanted to establish, but I never got the opportunity before because of time, and now I can't imagine my life without them, you know? Just because we finally had aligned schedules, and time, and energy to put into that. It's the little gifts that I keep trying to remind myself through this whole process, "You're still here, and you're still making it." But also, "Look at what you have gained, regardless of all the loss." Because there was a lot of loss, personally and professionally.
Casey: What do you feel like you gained?
Megan: More so than anything, I think, my self-assurance and how to navigate my feelings and realizing that it's OK to actually take the time to process them, instead of feeling like they have to be figured out as soon as they initially happen, and that it might take longer than you'd expect it to, and that's OK. I always wanted to rush out of those hard (feelings). Even though it is really hard, especially right now with everything with Romeo, being soft on myself has been the greatest thing.
Casey: Absolutely. I'm so glad you discovered that for yourself. It's going to be a tool moving forward. Right?
Megan: Exactly, exactly. Giving yourself those boundaries to say, "Whoa, Nelly, I don't have to take on all this.”
Casey: Do you think it'll be hard to keep that up when we start going back to work?
Megan: I think, initially, because of the excitement, but I think once we start getting in that routine — I don't even want to call it a routine again — but back into that force, there's that moment where we’ll recognize, "Hold on. Where am I taking this time that was so important to me in this huge discovery of a year? Where am I putting that time now and where is it?” I have to make sure I have it because that's ultimately become a priority.
Casey: Good, good. I hear that theme throughout a couple of interviews and it's really encouraging that we won't all just be trying to do every single thing that's thrown our way. We'll still be prioritizing ourselves. I love that.
Have you been creating in quarantine?
Megan: A little bit, yeah. I'm still with Working Title Playwrights, so I've gotten to do two online readings with them. I got to do a really cool outdoor, socially distanced production at RoleCall with some really great Shakespeare on Draught buddies who started producing. We had masks and were six feet apart the whole time. Nobody touched. It was such a wonderful experience.
I started playing my ukulele again. I started writing a little music and I just really started playing for myself. I forgot how much I loved it.
Casey: That's amazing.
Megan: Yeah, I'm putting that as a priority.
Casey: Have you struggled with motivation to do those projects and to pick up the ukelele again?
Megan: Oh, it's hard. I remember before, there used to never be a night or a day when I didn't want to go to the show. But the exhaustion now from having to get that energy up, after not having it for so long, was truly — I was exhausted. It made me depressed because I was like, "Why do I not want to go do this?" It was so strange, Casey, but it was because I was so emotionally tired. I was giving it everything because I hadn't gotten to do it in so long. Such a weird feeling.
Casey: When you're out of practice, whether it's emotional practice or physical practice, it's exhausting. I wonder what that's going to do to our creative processes when theaters open up in a real way.
Megan: Absolutely. I completely agree because it is a mind, body, soul type of art, and when you live and breathe it, you truly live and breathe it. Having to exert when you didn't realize you had lost that muscle really made me realize, "Holy shit. This is unbelievable." That's why I don't even know what to say anymore. It was just overwhelming.
Casey: Oh man, now I'm nervous for when I end up going back to performing.
Megan: It is going to be a transition, getting back into the swing of those types of energies, especially initially, because we love what we do so much, and a roomful of people who love that so much is going to be very, very emotional in all types of ways. At the same time, I think there is such beauty in that.
Casey: For sure, not just the overwhelm of the performance but the overwhelm of the other people. It's good overwhelm, but it’s still overwhelming.
What do you miss most about before?
Megan: I miss live music a lot. A lot, a lot. It's such a simple question but actually a very hard one. I just keep thinking about (the bar) The Basement and just dancing in big crowded rooms.
Casey: You're not the first person to bring up The Basement.
Megan: Golly. The joy that place brings and the strangers I have danced with, you know? I think that's a lot of it, just like the art of human connection, but also I miss being able to simply walk into a restaurant and comfortably eat a nice meal without all the protocol. I will follow it until I do not have to follow it anymore. But dang, the day I don't have to, I am going to go eat like two dozen oysters at a crowded bar and maybe share it with somebody.
Casey: That's a good bucket list thing. As we approach a year of this, what do you find yourself thinking about?
Megan: Truly, what type of work am I going to do in the next year?
Casey: It feels like there are no options but also limitless options.
Megan: Exactly, and that's what's overwhelming because we have always been so certain about what we do. There's never been another option, which is a blessing and a curse. So, I think the next, biggest step is, "OK, this isn't going anywhere for us, specifically. Where do I put this energy so I can make money now?" Yeah, because that's real. That's real, real, real. Especially when, before all this started, I felt incredibly, weirdly secure, and on the up and up for the first time ever. And then a wipe-out, and that's just —
Casey: That doesn't make anybody our age feel good.
Megan: No, no, no. Especially when we already have to endure all the other financial crises. That's also been very, very difficult. It was fine when unemployment was coming through, but whenever that stopped, it was — it's been tough as an approaching-30-year-old woman, you know?
Casey: Ditto.
Megan: Yeah, but I know it'll come. It will come. You just have to believe that it's gonna, and it will.
Casey: Having an open mind to it seems like a big part of the battle.
Megan: Oh, absolutely, and the motivation, too. Some days are great, you get shit done, and other days you're like, "Oh, I don't know. I'm just going to lay here. I'm simply going to lay here."
Casey: And that's OK.
Megan: Yeah.
Casey: I think we didn't know it was OK to say that before.
Megan: It was shameful. It felt shameful.
Casey: What do you think you'll take out of this experience? I'm not going to be naive enough to think it's almost over and we can look back fully, but 2020 is done. The part that felt the worst is over. What do you take out of that?
Megan: Besides that I made it? I got to see so many other people make it, too. I think being in it together was the biggest thing — a sense of an overlying community that you didn't know was there, even though we are very divided right now. I think engaging in that fear together showed a lot of courage. We had to keep going, but we were also allowed to be scared, and I think that's what the most important part is. It's OK to feel those things. There's no shame in feeling any of that, and that should be continued forward too, regardless of, you know, a world pandemic.
Casey: What do you look forward to?
Megan: Hugging people. Like really hugging people. Probably kissing people, too. Traveling, super traveling. Probably, just like everybody else — the same old, same old. Getting to see somebody smile without, like, the whole (mask) situation.
Casey: I love it. That's all I've got. That's it. You did it!
Megan: That's very sweet.
