Emily Diamond
@lynettediamon on her parent’s front steps.
-Theatre-
Emily has had a tough go of it lately. Life and love have a way of tossing us around but luckily this lady isn’t letting that stop her from putting one foot in front of the other and getting on, even in the wake of the world today.
I caught up with her at her parent’s home the week before she moved back into town.
Interviewed 5.26.20
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Casey: So how are you? Generally?
Emily: I've been thinking about that question a lot. Typically, when we ask “how are you?” it's just like a greeting, like, "Hey, how are you?" And I've been starting to not only ask that question but start giving really truthful answers to that question...
So how am I? I'm hanging in there. This isolation has been pretty difficult for everybody. But we're all in different boats. We're all weathering the same storm. In my boat right now, I'm living at home. At one point there were eight of us here, ranging from my parents who are in their 50s, 60s, there's my brother. He's 30. My sister is 25; she has a nine-month-old baby. A college freshman. And an eighth-grader. And me, of course. And we're all doing different things and we're all struggling with different things.
So throughout this, I've been very blessed to have my job. I still teach online high school. So I was teaching online before this even started. But that in itself has changed even though we were really well equipped for what's happening. And then my divorce was finalized during isolation. So that was hard, too, because normally you would go out and celebrate or at least get some physical contact like a hug. So it was really emotional to just kind of have to sit and digest what was happening.
I don't know, it's just that I feel like a lot has been packed in the past two, three months and there's no way to kind of escape it. You just gotta face it head-on. So I guess how I am now after all of that, in the midst of it, you feel like your head's gonna explode. But now I'm just I feel really confident, actually, that I could go through these things and come out stronger and have the knowledge within myself that I am capable of doing the things that make me uncomfortable without having these self medication-esque things.
So I'm not just running away and going to a bar with friends. I'm sitting and processing and meditating and really taking in what's happening.
Casey: Do you feel like you will take this reflecting that you've had to do during quarantine into the world after?
Emily: I absolutely think so. I think that it's made me more purposeful. So I guess the biggest thing is when all of this started is, “what am I going to do with all of my time?” And I started the month of April with trying to practice gratitude and just saying what I'm grateful for. Big or small, just to remember, like, “Hey, these are the things that are bringing positivity back into my life.” And I started that April 1st.
April 2nd or 3rd, I got a huge eye infection. So my eye is swollen shut. Obviously I'm not going to go to a doctor. So I have the Teladoc services as my insurance and he just has me put my eyeball up to the webcam. And luckily, I was able to get a prescription for eye drops. So within 30 minutes, not only did I see a doctor, I already had my eye drops and I could already start seeing some improvement. So that was the beginning of April.
And because of that, I was taking Instagram pictures, which I hadn't up until quarantine, I haven't really been as active, especially when it comes to taking pictures of myself, because I find it inherently, at least at first, narcissistic. But going along with that is like, “OK. This is a new creative outlet that I have never tapped before because I haven't felt as confident about it.” And I'm like, “Well, who the heck wants to follow whatever I'm doing?” But as I went further into it, I got more and more creative. Like for a week I had to cover my eye. I ended up buying a little tripod for my phone and a halo light. So I was able to explore with that. Last week, I bought a Canon camera, my first DSLR. So it's like isolation forced me to find an outlet for my creativity that I wouldn't have really considered. But I'm really enjoying it. And if I'm just creating for myself, awesome, if other people like it, that's cool too. But it's kind of like the rush you get after a show, after I take a really nice picture. I'm like, “OK, that was fun. That was cool.”
So I think that's the biggest thing I'm going to carry out of this is I can create on my own terms the content I want to create. I bought a microphone and I started recording myself singing, which I would have never posted on social media ever. Because I'm such a perfectionist. So it took me a second to do my first couple recordings. But just the confidence that I could work a mic if I want to, I know what ISO is now on a camera. I love learning. And I never thought I could really put the two together. Being creative and learning new platforms to facilitate that for myself, because I can do things on my own now, I don't have to rely on other people. And that's a really cool feeling. I've enjoyed that.
Casey: The sky's the limit for you.
Emily: It really is. And I move this weekend. I move to Decatur. I've been with my parents since August. Do you know Meghan Wartell? I'm moving in with her and her boyfriend, Jamie. So a bunch of creatives in one house. I get to live in the basement, so I'll have my own space and I'm off for the summer. So the next couple months is hopefully more creating stuff.
Casey: So how is your family doing? You mentioned there are eight of you. How are they holding up?
Emily: It's been hard because my dad's high risk and I think he's scared. And to see your dad scared is a really hard thing. And living at home, obviously, I'm going to respect his rules and his boundaries, especially if they have to do with his health. But as an adult, I want to be able to do things on my own terms. So it's been a weird balance of respecting the house I'm in while still trying to do my things. My dad has definitely been kind of the one to set our boundaries when it comes to what isolation looks like. And for him, you know, you see the fear, but he's been walking every day. So I'm seeing my dad get healthier in the process. So that's really cool.
My step mom; she is a paraprofessional for an elementary school in Fulton County. And she works one on one with a special needs student who is a wheelchair user. So you can see her frustrations when it comes to this transition to digital learning because her student - It's difficult for him to use the technology without her sitting next to him. And her birthday was during quarantine and Mother's Day, of course. So our first time seeing people was her co-workers set up chairs on our lawn, and they just hung out with her for her birthday, which was really sweet.
My brother in college; it was a struggle for him because it was his Freshman year. So in the middle of his first year of college, he got told he had to come back home to all of these people. So it was hard on him.
My brother Chad. He has Asperger's. We share the basement and we have never really gotten along in life. I never really understood how to communicate with him and kind of how to interact with him. So I am very grateful that now we get along really well. And he's learned to put on his headphones while he plays video games. But he's an essential worker. So he fixes printers for restaurants and grocery stores and stuff like that. So he's been able to go to work. But then we started setting the boundaries of you need a shower when you get home from work. You need to make sure you're washing your clothes after you work. So that took some adjustment. But luckily, he's had his routine pretty much undisturbed.
Eighth-grade brother; I don't think he's noticed a difference. But he's a soccer player, so they've started doing isolated soccer practices. And my stepmom said it was just like herding cattle because all the parents are making sure they're not interacting.
My sister, she's had a challenging time. So they've kind of gone between living with the dad. And initially, when she went to go have all of them live together, she wasn't allowed back here at all. So she came back maybe like two weeks ago. So that was really nice; finally getting to see them and have them be in the house again. And then Delilah, her daughter, when she left she was probably six months old. And then I see her again and she's like eight, nine months old. And for a baby, that's a lot of change. So now she gives me open mouth kisses, which is like the cutest thing in the world.
But, yeah, my quarantine crew is changing as of this weekend. And then I've been dating someone. He is great. And we didn't see each other for like forty-five days. And he knew I was going through a divorce and he was very respectful of that.
He made me a flipbook and dropped it off in my mailbox. He intentionally sat down to make me a flipbook, which made my heart so warm. He was reading me The Hobbit via Zoom, and progressively it got more intense to the end where he was wearing wigs and costumes and had a staff for Gandalf. So to have him around has been really nice and he is so supportive and just so sweet and so caring. So even though he hasn't really been here and I'm not allowed to see him, we've really been able to strengthen our relationship, which I honestly don't see how I could have done that with anybody else.
Casey: And you haven't been allowed to see him because of your dad?
Emily: Yeah. And I've always had this light at the end of the tunnel of the moving. And I made sure to ask Meghan and Jamie, I was like, “You know, I want to respect y'all. Would it be OK if I saw Jack?” and they said, “We can open up our circle for one person.” So I am grateful for that. I've seen him a couple times. I've been really careful.
But the past couple of weeks, he's loosened the reins a little bit and I've been going out a little bit more because of social media and posting stuff and getting more creative. I've learned how to use Instagram as a tool instead of just mindlessly swiping. And part of that is finding photographers. So I've done a couple of distanced shoots with them with masks and their camera.
And I just remember the first time after doing it, I felt so guilty and I felt a lot of shame like I was doing something wrong, because you're in environments where not everyone is wearing a mask and that in itself is kind of jarring when you've been in the house for forty-five days. So that was really overwhelming. And then I feel like if there is a person over there without a mask on, if I come home and I get my dad sick, then it's all my fault. So I just started ruminating a lot. I pulled myself to a really high standard that I do things appropriately and that no one's gonna be disappointed in me or, you know, I just I felt like I was potentially disappointing my family by going out of the house and being creative. So I battled with that a lot.
You can't control people. I've slowed down a little bit because I do move this weekend. I guess on the bright side, it showed me the power of social media and the people you can connect with and common interests. And I was able to voice more if I felt uncomfortable. But it was very interesting that that was my first time out of the house, was to work with someone creatively. And I think it took me about two days to really recover from it because it was fun. I obviously would do it again. But it was a lot to process at one time because it was my first glimpse of how people other than my family are reacting to this. Yeah, it was shocking.
Casey: Do you feel like you don't really know what's going on out there?
Emily: Firsthand is different. And it made me re-evaluate how I'm approaching it.
The other day I was around Marietta Square and me and the photographer were the only ones wearing masks out of probably 300 people. I drove past the Beltline and saw the skate park and saw all those hundreds of people at the skate park without masks on. And I couldn't get out of my car. I was scared. And I think that there was a lot of fear coming into it. So while I feel like I'm informed, obviously like it's coming from whatever is coming from my house. But when I go out, it initially made me feel like I was overreacting because not everyone was reacting as strongly as my house was. But I would rather overreact and protect people and protect myself and my family then feel like, you know, if it happened to get into our home, feel like I was the one that brought it here.
So I'm still not comfortable to go to restaurants. I really don't see me doing that in the near future. So I'm gonna take a lot of our standards here and put it into my new home. That's been the most unnerving thing as of recent is to see just the stark contrast in how people are reacting to this. The reactions feel isolating because there are some people who I consider really close to me and I'm not going to tell them "you're dumb". Like, "How dare you not go to the store in a mask." I'm not going to say that, but it does make me rethink a couple of things. I've gone to a few distanced hangouts on lawns and sitting out. And I know that I don't want to go and be around people who haven't been isolating or haven't been taking this as seriously. So it makes me feel like I'm picking and choosing friends. And that's not fun. But I want to stay safe and I want to be around people who take that as a priority as well.
Casey: What do you think you will take out of this chapter in your life?
Emily: The importance of family and communication. I think that's a big thing. I think we took for granted being around people who don't live with us. So I'm definitely going to spend more time thinking about my connections with people versus sitting with them and being on my phone.
How to challenge myself and be okay with feeling uncomfortable. I've been able to create and do some really cool things that I wouldn't have done normally if I didn't just slow down and really focus on “What do I want? What are my interests? How can I feel fulfilled?”
Cooking from home. I feel healthier than I have in a very long time because we're eating our meals at home. We're going on walks. I think that I'm going to invest a lot more into me because I think the divorce was looming on me a lot, too, and trying to tie up those loose ends. I don't want to say that having the official divorce notice made me focus on myself more. But now that I feel like I'm solely responsible for me, I want to be good to myself and I want to make myself proud and know that I'm doing everything in my power to choose myself because for so long, I've chosen other people and tried to make them a priority when it's my life.
There's a lot I can take from this. And I'm learning new things every day for sure. It's just I think I'm just gonna be a lot more mindful from here on out with the things that actually do matter. I've been able to pinpoint those a little better.
Casey: It sounds like you know what you want to focus on. Do you have anything else you want to share?
Emily: No, I'm really happy you're doing this. I know it's probably overwhelming to hear some of the stories you're hearing. So for you to take the time out of your day to do this. It means a lot to even just dabble for a second.
Casey: Yeah. I'm gonna leave that on there. I'm gonna remember you said that.
