Brooke Owens
@eliz_brooke at her dining room table.
-Theatre-
I set up my original interview with Brooke months ago, but then she got Covid-19. She did not need to be hospitalized, thank goodness, but she was isolating and we moved our date back.
Once she was feeling better — and July decided to be the hottest ever — I made my way to her apartment she shared with her husband to finally talk to her about her experience.
Interviewed 7.17.20
This interview has been edited for clarity and length.
Casey: How are you doing?
Brooke: It feels like a loaded question now. I've been doing well. I've tried to get myself into a routine and that has helped immensely. Like I told you earlier, we have just recovered from actually having Covid.
Casey: Did your partner have it as well?
Brooke: Yeah, we think that he was actually the initial one that brought it in, and then we ended up spreading it to three of our friends that week because we spent a weekend in Tennessee with two of my best friends. We were like, "It's all good." They're all doctors, like pharmacists, so I was like, "We're all safe. We're all doing everything we need to do." And then we ended up getting them sick. So it was a pretty shitty experience. But everyone had really minor symptoms, thank God. Two people even tested negative after being around five infected people, sharing drinks and food. So I don't even know how this virus works. So, we've been at home in major quarantine the last two weeks.
Casey: Getting Covid is definitely a scary thing.
Brooke: I honestly didn't expect that to happen because I have been pretty careful, only seeing a select group of friends that I know are also being careful and only going to the one family I nanny for, who are even more careful than I am. So I was shocked that it happened. But my husband is not as careful as I am. He's not reckless, but he's not as worried about it. So I should've seen that coming. I should have seen that end happening.
Casey: Did he feel bad after you guys kind of figured it out?
Brooke: Yeah, definitely. Obviously we can't be like, "It's definitely you that gave it to us," because we were with five people that weekend, but it's pretty clear it was him because he was the first to show symptoms and he'd been to the gym the previous week. And this gym did not require masks. … So I think that was a nice wake-up call for him. He's been more strict about always wearing a mask and being more careful about where he's going. He's not returning to the gym, so I've appreciated that. It's definitely a thing where you have to exercise patience because not everyone thinks the way you do, not even the people that are closest to you. People have differences of opinion in what they think is important.
Casey: What have you been doing during quarantine besides having Covid? Because you had three months of isolation prior to that.
Brooke: Well, the biggest thing is that I had to find a new job. I was scrambling because I was in a show, and, obviously, it got canceled. I had this weird aversion — I don't know if it was how I was raised — but I didn't want to apply for unemployment. I felt weird. It felt weird to do so. I was like, "I have to find another job, and I have to find someone who's hiring.”
Casey: Are you talking about replacing your Anthropologie job?
Brooke: Replacing my Anthropologie job and the show I was doing.
Luckily, a family reached out that needed a full-time nanny because their schools were done and they were both working from home. … In April I started working (for them) and I've been full-time with them, and they are amazing. They've been a total godsend. I love their children and I get to leave my house and go see other human beings every day and not have to wear a mask for eight hours a day, which was something I couldn't have even asked for. That was so amazing.
Then I've been playing a bunch of piano. I'm really trying to master it and be proficient in it, and I am so not at this moment. It is so frustrating, but I am dedicated to spending 30 to 60 minutes doing it every single day. And I've been working out regularly. There's a local park right across the street and there's hardly ever more than like eight people there, total, so I've been able to run outside in the sun. Who knew that would really make you feel better? Only science would tell you that. Who knew?
Casey: What do you miss about before — either that you think will come back and you can't wait to do again, or that you don't think will come back that we will miss forever?
Brooke: I really miss traveling, the ease that it was before. That's probably the biggest thing that I miss — the ability to just take a trip and not have to think about weighing all these risks and, "What's going to happen?” and, “Who's going to be on a plane?” or, “Is that a hotspot that we'd be going to?" That feels really weird because it feels like the world really shut down. I think we, as a generation, are really used to a very globalized look at everything. Whatever we need to get or have to get, we can get it right then.
I'm hoping that eventually, everything can return, but I think a lot of people are going to end up working from home that initially weren't, which I think for a lot of people is a really amazing thing, especially if they have young kids or if they have a big commute. I think that's an amazing thing and helps our environment, and it helps people actually have more time to live their life not being in a car. So I kind of hope that never returns — that super "work, work, work, you do anything to sacrifice for your work." And that's really big in the arts. We're probably the number one perpetrators of that.
Casey: Yes.
Brooke: I also really hope that unpaid internships never come back. I'm really curious to see what the Atlanta theater scene is going to look like. I mean, there's no way that it can look exactly like what it looked like before because of everything that's been happening socially.
Casey: Do you mean mostly Covid-wise or do you mean mostly Black Lives Matter-wise?
Brooke: I mostly mean the Black Lives Matter movement. I think Covid has changed some things in the realm of what we prioritize financially. But I don't know how much of that will stick once things appear normal. I think because I'm just more pessimistic, I don't know how many amazing lessons we will learn as human beings. Oftentimes, we just repeat our mistakes — not to be defeatist.
Casey: This idea was brought to my attention recently — the idea that there will be things after Covid that don't ever go back to normal. There will be people that wear masks forever, jobs that are always remote and virtual. I think about that a lot. I think about what constitutes a new normal? I don't really want this to be it, but it could be.
Brooke: Yeah, I know a lot of people are afraid of this version being the new normal. I've seen a lot of people get really sensitive about calling this the new normal. I can totally understand that because, in a lot of ways, it isn't normal. It's not normal to not see people's faces as they walk around and to have the question of, “Could you hug your close friend?” Those are the sort of things I hope will eventually ease. I think they will, as time goes on and we figure more things out. But some of the bigger things like businesses and how we do policies and how we even structure our work-to social-life-balance? I hope a lot of that actually changes.
Casey: Do you think you'll change your work-life balance on the other end of this?
Brooke: I don't know. I was already in a weird spot before Covid of trying to decide what I was going to do. I didn't want to continue full steam ahead into Atlanta theater anymore. I was in New York right before all this was happening, trying to audition. My plan was to get my equity card, go back up to New York this summer, and spend several months auditioning. Then I really, really, really have been working on music to produce and record. I was also thinking about going back to school to be a licensed counselor.
All that is to say, I didn't know what I was going to be doing. There were a bunch of things in the air. And then when Covid happened, it kind of felt like there were no options on the table, which, in a way, for me was kind of relieving. I think I've gotten — as a lot of people do — overwhelmed by the amount of choices I have to make. When you don't have any left, it can be a very panic-inducing thing. But for me, I was almost relieved to have the burden of choice taken off of me for just a little bit because I'm always so afraid of choosing the wrong thing.
Casey: How do you think you will maintain that calmness? How do you imagine maintaining those self-care rituals as we go forward?
Brooke: Honestly, for me it is going to have to be a self-discipline thing and really choosing what's important in that moment. I tend to get distracted very easily, and I also tend to get discouraged very easily in pursuit of new avenues. So a lot of it for me will be a personal responsibility to make choices that I can keep up. Like, I have to wake up earlier to get my run in. I have to make sure that, in my schedule, I've actually written and put aside time to rehearse music. And making the decisions to reach out to people to create connections and do projects and not just run the race of life where you're like, "I've just got to get through this day."
Casey: You got married.
Brooke: Yes, that's true.
Casey: Have you had your spiritual community since you've been in quarantine? Are you doing church online?
Brooke: Last Sunday was our first Sunday back, in-person, but you have to reserve an appointment. There's only a limited number of slots. They've marked out the numbers and then they have these stickers where you either put a green light on, which means you're OK with being close to people and someone touching you, or the red dot, which means I'm observing all six-foot distancing and that sort of thing, so people could know how to interact with you. Which, actually, I thought was kind of a smart. … I think everyone's trying to figure out what to do and sometimes there's inconsistencies in like, "You're OK with this but not OK with this,” and having to basically ask every single person, "What are your individual things you feel good with?" Because a lot of my close friends are other worship leaders at the church, and a big thing we like to do is get together and sing and write music and do stuff like that. So that's been on halt and I've really, really missed that.
Casey: Yeah, it's taken an emotional toll.
Brooke: It's weird because the church, I think for the most part, has actually gotten the reputation that they care the least about wearing masks or being safe, which really sucks.
Casey: Do you feel like that's true, though? Do you think that's fair?
Brooke: I think for some churches it is. I think some people have watched the world devolve into a fearful state, into a thing that they wouldn't feel comfortable living in every day. I think it's pushed them into an extreme of trying to be fearless or it's almost like they're trying to test their faith, which is not how faith works, biblically. Faith is a hard thing to explain, in practical, layman terms because it is not a practical thing.
Casey: What do you think you'll take out of this? Like, what do you think you'll tell your kids and grandkids about this time?
Brooke: I would say it was one of the most revealing, exposing times about the state of man that I have ever seen. This is me trying to have a massive worldview about it because, obviously, there's been horrific death, people being sick, people being afraid, and I'm not going to put an artistic spin on that. That's not what I'm saying. Because there's been tragedy that's happened in the last few months all over the world, and I mourn the human life that has been lost.
So, all of that aside, I would say that if I'm looking back on it, I think it was one of the most exposing periods of time I've ever seen. It revealed what's always been true: that we don't have any control. We are finite beings, and ultimately there is a lot of fear that is part of our everyday world that people are trying to figure out what to do with, and people will go to great lengths to deceive themselves and other people. And that doesn't always make them an evil person. It's just this coping mechanism that we use, and we've been using it for so long.
In a lot of ways, I'm kind of just grateful that some of the curtains have come down, especially in the West where we're obsessed with status and wealth and ambition. What are you doing now? What's the biggest move you've ever made? What are you worth?
Casey: What's your next gig? What are you doing?
Brooke: Yeah. For me it has been this reminder of, "Oh my God, the worth of human beings is innate in who they are." Obviously, I believe they have inherent value because God made them, and there is nothing that you could do or not do to have that taken away. It is a really scary thing even to know that and still get swept up in like, "My God, what am I worth apart from my work or apart from my friends telling me that I'm worth something? What's left at the end of the day for you?" And that is a pretty awe-inspiring question.
It's not something you figure out in an hour, but it is something that I hope and I think a lot of people have been having to sit with. I'm hoping that it turns into more of what we were talking about — a simplifying, deep introspection, removing things that are not good for people, and a pursuit of the things that are really integral to your human experience, like your family and "Why are you here? Why are you on the earth? Why do you think you were born?" Obviously I'm getting very big, but if I'm taking a macro view of it, that's probably what I would say.
