Brandon Partrick & Jennifer Alice Acker
@brandonpartrick & @missaliceregrets in the green space outside their loft.
-Theatre-
Brandon and Jenn have been pretty isolated. They are taking this the most seriously of anyone I know for good reason. Because Jenn was sick.
They were also people I just dropped in on. And by dropped in on I mean I called and waited in their parking lot for instructions on what would be able to be done to see them. Jenn had the great idea for the cover shot for this project of them waving through their window. I shouldn’t be surprised she had a brilliant idea. She is brilliant.
I interviewed them together. They are fabulous and incredibly self realized and sure individual people but this experience is happening to them in their second year of marriage and they had seen no one. This was their story. This was happening to them. And they were incredibly open with me and for that I am forever grateful.
Interviewed 5.15.20
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Casey: I've been measuring everybody six feet apart exactly and it's been really great.
Brandon: That's cool.
Casey: So I guess first, and what's great is I haven't really talked to you. How are you guys doing?
Jennifer: I'm well. It's so crazy because it does go day by day. But I feel like last week was a better week for me and this week was a much better week than the week before. So I feel an upward trajectory. I'm feeling better. Most of my challenges have been decisions surrounding work and helping run the music school and not knowing what the future holds and what it's gonna mean for our small business and all our employees and things like that. My boss got one of the small business loans. That was news that came last week. And that's changed the game a lot.
Brandon: I have my good days and my bad days too. I feel like I'm not as stressed about money. I've been getting my unemployment payments. So it feels good. But my stress comes from not feeling useful. I don't know what I can do right now to be a productive person. I was trying to pursue another career path so I'm trying to take this time to learn more about that. But I feel like there's also things I can and can't do in this sort of context. And I also get stressed a lot with just news and people not wearing masks and just kinda hanging out. It's a huge bummer. Today is just kinda one of those blech days, to be honest.
Casey: I'm sorry that you don't feel useful.
Jennifer: That's like Brandon's journey to go on; I can't manage that for him. I just have to say, the other side of it, it may not be a global usefulness, but he's been so supportive and took such good care of me when I was sick. I never had to worry about water or food appearing. And that's continued even since I've gotten better, since I'm the one working, I used to do the grocery shopping, because my schedule is more flexible than his with the delivery service. But now, he's taken over all of the grocery shopping. He's self-professed, not a natural cook and I am. But he was like, “Let me cook dinner tonight. Go play Animal Crossing. Relax. You had a hard day.”
So I feel so supported and held. And your usefulness is so palpable to me as your partner. And it may not be the position that you want to be in or it may not be as universal an influence as you want to have. But I'm able to do my work for the school because I have your support, emotional and physical.
I'm tearing up imagining this experience without your help. I couldn't do it.
Brandon: Thank You.
Casey: Have you heard from your job?
Brandon: I totally have. I mean, not in terms like, “Hey, come on back.” But my bosses will call me and just say, “How are you doing?” And that was really cool. And, before, I was like, "Ah, they're just... It's a boss, you know, whatever. Like, I'm not going to dig deep into this relationship." But this has really solidified my loyalty.
Jennifer: I just feel like people's true natures are really coming out. And I'm seeing that with even clients or teachers in the music school. People are either responding with recoil, dog-backed-into-a-corner energy, or “This is so out of our control, we're gonna be as generous as humanly possible.”
And our choice as a company has been, regardless of how people come at us, we're responding with massive generosity because it's the only agent of good and control we have right now.
Casey: How are your families? Have you talked to them?
Brandon: So my folks they recently went through a divorce and so my mom got put in a new living situation. She left the place where my stepdad was and moved into an apartment then moved in with her mom. So for a while, her mom and her were both in this apartment and they really don't get along as roommates.
So that was very stressful. My grandma moved back out to her own place. My mom is solo... I think it's tough for her. It's not as tough for my stepdad. I think they're both seeing people. So I don't really know. I think my Dad's doing ok. He's still working. He never was furloughed or anything. He lives in North Carolina. He's a lawyer. His kids had to come back home, though.
Jennifer: From college.
Brandon: Yeah. So they're all there. And he had two high school kids, too. So they're all just all in the home again. And then that's my family.
Jennifer: My parents are well. We kind of had to make the hard call this year that we're postponing our trip to the Rocky Mountains from my Mom's 70th birthday. So it's just the right call because my parents are both of that age. They're both retired. My dad has had breathing problems and asthma his whole life. So we're just being highly cautious. But luckily, most travel companies now are offering generous extensions.
So we're hoping we'll go next year. But when that happened, we had tickets to see Hamilton at the Fox. The whole family was going. They were good seats, like we splurged, you know? So that was happening.
And then it was my mom's birthday. So after I was able to get cleared from Covid 19, we had been really in extreme social isolation, and we made the call. My parents kind of mentioned at one point, they're like, "We would be comfortable seeing y'all." So we ended up going down two weeks ago.
Brandon: They're in the senior bracket. So I felt like we should really go and help them get groceries or do stuff around the house. They didn't need help with that, according to them.
Jennifer: No, they were like, "We go to senior hour. We're in and out of Winn-Dixie in 45 minutes. You guys sleep in." We come home - we've brought a massive thing of hand sanitizer and all this stuff. And they're like, "We already went!"
Brandon: They really just wanted us to hang out. Like, “No, we're here to work.” We did some yard work for 'em. But it surprised me how little caution they had.
Jennifer: No, they had tons of caution, but they were living their lives. They masked. They hand sanitized, you know,
Brandon: Did they have masks?
Jennifer: Yeah, they masked up. My mom made her own mask before I bought theirs. It's pretty funny. She used two of my hair ties.
So I think they're doing well. They're definitely some of the most cautious people in the state of Florida, I would say. But it was really nice to get to see them. And we watched all of the Mandalorian together.
I thought of something we helped my parents on! We went to the fish market. The fish market's cash only. So they were a little nervous to go to the fresh fish market. So we went to Sextons and we bought about a hundred dollars worth of [fish]. We did bring a shit ton home as well. We brought fresh trigger, a fresh grouper, fresh shrimp. We stocked them all up.
Casey: I'm kinda surprised they were open.
Brandon: Everywhere in Florida... It drove me mad. It literally drove me mad because it's kind of bad here. But it going there no one gave a flying fuck. People were also derisive of us when we would go in and wear a mask. They would just look at us and they make little corona jokes under their breath. I'd be like, "Go fuck yourself. We're trying to help you, man."
Casey: I feel like you both are very socially aware people anyway, but do you feel like you maybe are following guidelines more strictly than others because it's came to you? Do you feel like you would feel the same way if you hadn't been infected?
Jennifer: That's a great point. You know, it's like a small town. They could very well not know anyone who's gotten sick or had it. It's been here for a lot longer. But I do think living in a major city where there are high numbers and also having been, not one of the first cases, because certainly there were cases in January and February, but one of the first cases after this dropped here, we were exposed to it about as early as it happens. So I do think that has made me hyper-aware. And my friend Josh Diboll messaged me something on Instagram when he saw my post and I thought it was so powerful. He's like, “The way I'm perceiving it is I am not worried that I'm going to get it from someone else. I'm worried I'm going to give it.” And if you like, I forget exactly. I can look up his exact phrasing. But just the idea of you're trying to protect others, not trying to protect yourself.
So, Josh said this and I think it's so brilliant. "When it comes to behavior, healthier to behave as if you have it and no one else does, rather than the self-defensive thought of, 'I don't have it and everyone else does.' You'll behave in a healthier and more thoughtful way with others. The best way, I think. Thank you for sharing your post." So I just thought that was so brilliant.
And that has changed the way I view my perception. I'm not hand sanitizing for you. I'm hand sanitizing for someone else.
Brandon: It is a consideration for other people. I think that this video that Andrew Cuomo put out and he has been…this latest one was like, “I wear this mask is a sign of respect for all the people who died because of this. The nurses and all the essential workers, all the people who have to go to work. This is a mask that says, ‘I respect you’." And this is a statement we should be offering to anyone at any time. Especially now.
And that struck a chord. That was something aligned with my beliefs. But I think you're right. Maybe if Jen wasn't sick, maybe I wouldn't be hand sanitizing after I touch everything. But I would, I think, wear a mask.
Jennifer: I read an article on Vanity Fair and, who knows, statistics are like whatever right now. We don't know anything. But one statistic speculated that we could reduce transmission by 80% if everyone just masked up. And it's just like, why wouldn't you? It's at no cost. And they're cool looking.
Casey: To each their own.
Jennifer: Yeah, we're on our own journey.
Brandon: Well kind of.
Jennifer: We're all on our own perceived journey. We're all actually on the exact same journey, but…
Casey: Mentally it feels like we're on our own journey.
Jennifer: Good call, Brandon.
Casey: So what have you been doing while you've been alone?
Jennifer: I've been working a ton. It's been really hard. I've been volunteering for AARF but that's been pretty light these days since we got the infrastructure. When it was first started, I was working like five, six hours a day.
And I was still sick and I was like working seven, eight hours a day at work. So it was pretty bonkers. But that settled to about two, three hours a week, which is awesome. Working a lot for the day job. But that's settling too. So what I'm really trying to do is - if I can't establish the boundaries, breaks, and space I want in my life now, it's not happening. Brandon encouraged me. We were like, “We're gonna be in tight quarters for a long time. And what would help each other feel supported so that we don't feel a sense of resentment or anything?” And we both shared what we felt we needed to feel supported. And the one thing Brandon said was, "I need you to take lunch breaks."
And I thought that was very striking to me. It took me probably three or four weeks to start doing it. Wouldn't you say?
Casey: Like not doing anything during lunch?
Jennifer: Like literally just stopping and eating. Now it's still not a 30-minute break, but I stop for probably 5 to 15 minutes. Which is like a gargantuan feat for me.
Brandon: It is. It's big.
Casey: What made you think of that, Brandon?
Brandon: I've struggled with work a lot in my life. I've seen how hard my parents worked. And it seemed like it had this huge detriment just to have this sort of 24/7 work thing going on. And this has always been a present part of my life, seeing that my mom especially wears herself down. And she feels like she has no time for herself.
And so I saw the same thing happen in Jen. It's no time for herself. The work is affecting her. And she has a high stakes positions. So I just wanted to help her be mindful of, “Hey, this space you take away from work is not time wasted. You need to refill your reservoir to then go back and do the best work.”
Jennifer: He's totally right. The other day when I was really good, I took like five-minute breaks every 30 minutes. I got done and Brandon was like, "I guess you a good day at work today." And I was like, “No, it was awful! It was like really, really hard. And a lot of really dramatic things happened but I took breaks and I feel fine.”
So moral of the story, I'm rambling about it, but I'm really trying to set up boundaries. I start work at 10:00. I do not start before. I watercolored this morning and I've been playing the piano, which I have wanted to learn how to play the piano my whole life. And just little things like that; journaling or a little work for Lizzie. Directing is really fun. And even though it’s a job, it's a creative thing. So I'm starting my day with something creative and I'm not mandating what it is or judging it. I'm like “Whatever creative thing I want to do this morning is fine. And if I play piano every day for a week, that's great. And if I knit or read a book or whatever, that's great too.” So that's been what I've been doing. I've been trying to develop life habits that provide balance.
Brandon: Same here. A lot of habit development. Since I was furloughed, I don't have a job to do right now. It's a lot like house stuff, domestic stuff, you know, trying to stay proactive. Every day feels like a competition with myself, but some days it's like I'm on my team and sometimes I'm on the other team for myself. And that headspace is sort of difficult to navigate sometimes. But video games… I love playing video games. They keep me sane. Writing. Staying on top of my musical studies. So when we were scheduling days, Jen had block work. What am I going to do? I'm like, OK, professional development. I do want to ultimately find some kind of higher position. Something more influential in the arts or in museums or whatever. So we talk a lot about that. So graduate school research, project management research, linkedin class, all this sort of stuff. Duolingo.
Just trying to class myself. And also give myself the breaks.
Casey: It sounds like your days are structured in order to help you get more done. Do you ever have days where you don't put any structure in place? Where you don't do anything?
Jennifer: No, we don't. Do you guys?
Casey: Yeah, I do that all the time.
Brandon: I will falter on my schedule. And those will be the days where I'm like, "Oh, I didn't get anything done." I don't feel too terribly bad about it. But when they stack it's like, "Crap, I got to do something."
Casey: So it's more to make yourself feel better that you have this structure.
Brandon: Yeah. She's got a lot of work to do. I just try to keep myself together. And it's not like I miss people. I feel like I do not miss that. I just miss that sense of feeling like I'm doing something. I know that I useful in the house.
Casey: I know it's a personal thing. Not feeling useful. You guys have really great routines set up in place that you're trying to build and take forward. But are there any new rituals that have come through in quarantine that you want to take into whatever the next normal is?
Brandon: Meditation is one that I'm very, very sporadic with now, but I know that every time I do it, it helps other things. I think that's the biggest thing. Going out for walks.
Jennifer: Yeah. This is actually our scheduled outdoor time.
Brandon: We're keeping our distance as we walk. But it is important to get out.
Jennifer: Our whole career is like in dark spaces!
I've struggled with how to start my day for a long time and I know I should work out or I know I should meditate or whatever. But I wake up with my mind buzzing. I wake up thinking about the things I'm excited to do at work that day. And so I love to meditate. But meditating or yoga the first thing of the day doesn't work for me. I'm way better to do that at 12:30 at lunch break. And so I stopped judging what I thought I should be doing and started listening to my workflow. And so starting my day with something engaging but reflective like watercolor or music has been so incredible.
Starting my day for me is a huge thing. I get in my bathroom and I don't leave for 30 minutes, which is unheard of for me. Normally I'm like, ZIP ZIP ZIP ZIP ZIP. I'm running late to everything, but I have a whole skincare regiment. I got my rollers. So that's been really nice. And then the other thing is our weekend cleaning and our weekend project.
Brandon: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Jennifer: So we do an hour and a half. We do either 30 minutes of tidying and an hour of cleaning - which we've differentiated - or vice versa. It has drastically changed our house.
And then we also do a 90 minute house project. And we have this honey do list for each other. That was like...
Brandon: It felt impossible to tackle.
Casey: What are some of the things on that list?
Brandon: Put up pictures, install shelves, paint bathroom walls. Oh, there was one that literally had been on the list for years. And it was the sort of thing where we knew that once we had finished the thing, our house would be done, right? It was a curtain rod that kind of sagged away from the brick.
Jennifer: We have to literally get a ladder from the unit. We bought this vintage beer from Yazoo Brew that the guy was like, this is the best beer we've ever made, we have one bottle left. We bought it. And we decided we were gonna save it for something really special.
Casey: The day you fixed the curtain rod!
Jennifer: That's when we drank it.
Casey: And how was it?
Jennifer: Oh my God, SO GOOD! We were pouring it and we were like, “Oh God, watch, this is a total flop.” We were so mad we didn't buy more bottles. It was so good.
Brandon: Totally expected it to be sour.
Jennifer: It was unbelievably good. Like one of the best beers I've ever had.
Brandon: I like to imagine it was better because we waited.
Casey: So my last official question is, what do you miss most? And that can be something that you don't think will come back. That can be something that you can't wait to do again. It can even be something silly. I know that one's very hard.
Jennifer: That's really hard. It shouldn't be hard, though is the thing.
Casey: You don't know what you miss until you don't have it.
Jennifer: Well, this is the thing that's interesting about doing this now and not four weeks ago. Because there is a new way of life. There's a new normal. And we found other ways to connect with other friends. And some of the Zoom birthday parties I've been to have been the most special, interesting, powerful experiences of connection.
Brandon: I wouldn't even say I miss theater. Honestly. I don't miss it as it existed. I never had a real sense of art cultivation. Even as an actor, I feel like I was always bad at seeing other shows. But it's been proven that you can still connect with art on a sort of distance level. And it can be theatrical, too. I think that there's a lot of people who think that we can't do theater anymore. It's like, “Well, no, it's just it's going to be different and it needed to be different for so long.” People weren't changing it. And that was part of the problem. So now this is going to force a lot people to think differently.
Jennifer: I've had sparks of missing actually being in the presence of certain individuals. But for the most part, the connection has been so strong via zoom and phone calls. And because we all are going through this really insane shared experience, the conversations get deeper faster, which has always been my kind of friendship. I can't talk about bullshit for more than two seconds. How is your spirit?
I miss the idea and hope and prospect of travel. I feel like travel has always been something so important to me, and I really just got the bug relit from our honeymoon. We're talking about planning a family soon and I told Brandon I need another major trip before we do that. I need that life landmark. And with my age, I don't believe the whole biological clocks as early as people say it is, but like, if we want two kids, I've got to start cracking in a couple year. I have bad knees and a bad back. Can my body carry a twelve-pound baby as easily?
So there's this kind of thing of re-evaluating my priorities in a way. Is that travel going to happen? Or if it's not going to happen before we have a family, what does it look like then? And I had this great pull to like go somewhere I've never been before. South Korea or Thailand or something that feels totally different. And it's like, what does travel look like? Is it possible? Are there going to be restrictions on international travel? Is it safe? I feel more safe in South Korea than I do in America in regards to health standards. But then there's this other thing of our honeymoon became so special to us.
And now all I can think about is going back to Italy and France. I just don't know. I was good to not visit again before all this happened. It just made me realize, no, fuck it, you don't have to see other things. You can go do exactly what you want to do because you never know when it goes away. If you love Hawaii and you want to visit Hawaii 20 times your life and never go anywhere else who the fuck cares? You could visit the same town over and over and over again and never see all it has to offer. So as you can probably tell by this rambling diatribe, I am so conflicted about the idea of travel and the hopes and the sort of angst around it. It’s the thing that I conceptually miss the most, even though it's not even something I have right now.
Casey: Yeah, How do you feel?
Jennifer: This was really helpful.
Brandon: Thank you.
