Ashley Prince
@ashleyrprince on her in'-laws front porch right after a massive downpour
-Theatre-
Can you even imagine? Getting married and being pregnant with your first child in the middle of all this mess? Nope. I can not and I also would not be handling it as gracefully as Ashley.
Ashley and I met at SCAD. We hardly crossed paths because I was too busy being in nothing while she was in everything. She moved to Atlanta after she graduated and has been teaching and music directing and just being an all around girl boss in addition to, you know, growing a human and making a life long commitment to her person. It’s a lot for anyone to go through so I was thrilled she wanted to catch up.
She greeted me at the end of her in-law’s driveway in a golf cart and had me follow her up a winding road past many beautiful trees, a lake, and a vineyard. They are living in a little Eden and if I could choose to quarantine somewhere it would totally be here. Can I have a do over?
Interviewed 5.29.20
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Casey: So first and foremost, how are you? Loaded question, I know.
Ashley: That is the loaded-est question. The most loaded question. Well, I can't take Prozac anymore. And I can't drink. And I can't... There's not much of anything that I can really do to relax myself besides, like, be healthy emotionally. So I've been working on that a lot.
Casey: How have you been working on that?
Ashley: I have therapy every week. I started therapy before all this in January. And I'm not a big phone talker, but I talk once a week for an hour to my really nice therapist named D'ann. And that's kind of helped me get some stuff out. Because a lot's been going on, personally and in the world. The last few days I've been a little down, what with the world being what it is. And I don't know who's going to read it or hear it, but it's hard being pregnant right now because I'm so concerned about this (gestures to stomach).
And I feel like a lot of people in the world and a lot people around me just don't give a shit. And that makes me not feel good. Because you've [Dane] never even met my doctor. He doesn't even know where I go to the OB. So like on Monday I'm gonna go by myself and find out what the baby is; boy or girl. We're gonna write it down, so we're gonna find out together. But the plan was to just find out when we both could go. But we can't do that, so…yeah.
I'm thinking of people in my family who like to think that this is just the flu and who think that it's OK to not wear masks in public. And so that makes me not feel good because I feel like I'm doing this alone. I'm not doing it alone. He's very helpful. But physically, I'm going to things alone. If, God forbid, if something goes wrong when they do the scan on Monday, who's there to support me besides nurses that I don't know, that they can't see my face, I can't see their face? So I've been really disheartened by some of my own family that doesn't take it very seriously.
Casey: How is your family doing? You probably haven't seen them, have you?
Ashley: I really just have my mom and my twin brother and they came to visit on Mother's Day. They're in Mississippi. My brother is really taking it seriously. He's coming over in the next couple of weeks to visit. And him and his boyfriend are both quarantining themselves for two weeks so that we can all be together and be safe. But my family knows my rules, and if they don't want to follow the rules, then they don't get to see me. And God forbid in October, if this is still going on, my rules still apply.
Casey: Is that when you're due?
Ashley: October 25th, which seems like a long way away, but it's really not.
Casey: So what have you been doing here in this beautiful Eden?
Ashley: What have we been doing? Dane works everyday.
Dane: I wasn't sure I was allowed to talk. I'm recorder shy too.
Ashley: Dane works from home. So it's been good because there were days that I would be throwin' up like six, seven times a day. And I can't imagine being home alone and doing that. So for Dane to be home is helpful.
Dane: That was like a huge silver-lining of everything. Because I would have felt so guilty and awful if I was just at the office just getting texts from Ashley, just like, "I'm doing so horrible."
Ashley: Every hour on the hour.
Dane: "What are you doing?" "Oh, I just got some crackers, just went to the coffee shop. Yeah. And had a meeting." So it's actually been cool that I haven't had to go anywhere. And we can at least be together and help each other out.
Ashley: He can take care of me. He does a good job.
Dane: I love it.
Ashley: I've been pretty crafty. I've been painting by numbers. I've been crocheting a lot. I've made a baby blanket. I've made a few people scarves.
Dane: Highly productive.
Ashley: Yeah. And that's the whole thing is like, I've still been teaching piano lessons and voice lessons on Zoom. Not as many, but it's OK because I got furloughed... I was on staff at the JCC, got furloughed. So I've been on really nice unemployment, so. And I'm like the most privileged little turd in that I never had a problem with the unemployment. It just came and works.
Dane: Bless the Jews.
Ashley: The JCC. He's Jewish. Just so the recording knows.
Dane: God bless them, that's all I'm saying. Really helping us out in these times.
Ashley: We've been working really hard on training our dog lately. Because we're trying to get her ready for a baby in the house. And also got to work on the emotional health, like, that's all I have to do is just sit here and unpack just years of stuff that I was already working on. Even if I wasn't in a pandemic. But now it's just like, “okay, well, let's get it together.”
Casey: I mean, you seem happier since the last time I physically saw you. So you've been using this time to kind of mentally get well. Why do you think you've been able to do that?
Ashley: Because I have nothing to do. If we, in a different world, even if I wasn't pregnant and the world was 100 percent healthy, I would cope by staying as busy as I could and ignoring it until it overwhelmed me. But there's nothing to do. And so all you can do is just work on yourself.
Casey: And how do you do that everyday?
Ashley: Well, I think for me, it has to do with being aware of where your thoughts are taking you. And if I find myself feeling guilt and shame on behalf of other people, you just remind yourself that that's not you and that you didn't do anything wrong. You just happened to be in the situation where the adults around you were making poor choices. And so that kind of brings me peace of mind. It's a hard concept to wrap your mind around, but it can be done. I found a lot of solace in church online, and also part of being pregnant is being a crying piece of garbage, like all the time. All I do is cry and puke.
Dane: Shout out Decatur First Methodist.
Ashley: Yeah. So shout out to Decatur First Methodist because I've been watching them religiously every Sunday. That's brought me a lot of peace because I can weep in the privacy of my own home. And get it together.
And also one thing that I talked to my therapists about a lot is that like I've been an anxious, nervous Nellie my entire life, even before childhood trauma, I was just a nervous Nellie. And so it almost comforts me to know that the rest of the world is like at a level 10. I'm like, “now you know what it feels like.”
Casey: Well, you're not what it seems to be like at a level 10 right now.
Ashley: No, I'm not at a 10 right now. I'm saying I'm at about a five, but there have definitely been some level 10 moments. But we're working on those. And the more I stay at a 10, the worse it is for (gestures to stomach). Because Howie/Rebecca, that's what we've been calling them because we don't know if they're gonna be a boy or a girl….Howie Swerdling and Rebecca Swerdling.
Dane: Either/Or, just, great names, solid names.
Ashley: Can't go wrong with Swerdling.
Dane: It is kind of hard to pair with it. There are some names that are just like a no go. It just doesn't roll off the tongue.
Dane: What's a really garbage one that we thought of that was bad?
Ashley: I don't know, Harry.
Dane: Oh, yeah. Harry Swerdling was not...
Ashley: Harry Swerdling was a terrible idea.
Dane: Yeah. That was off the list as we said it.
Ashley: Yeah.
Dane: But Harry is also very like... Like only works well with certain last names. Harry is a very special name.
Ashley: Styles. That's it, that's the one.
Dane: He's the only Harry in the world. And he deserves...
Casey: Potter.
Ashley: Oh, gosh. How could we forget?
Dane: He also deserves that.
Ashley: Hagrid Swerdling sounds terrible. Draco Swerdling. Get out of here.
Casey: So, not that I want to get away from all of this…
Ashley: Sure.
Casey: I kind of want to talk a little bit about your creative life.
Ashley: There is never such thing as a lack thereof. Cause I think you have so much control over that. I'm music directing Lizzy at A.E., which is going to be so cool. That was supposed to be this summer. But it's looking like it's gonna get pushed back to TBD time. And after I give birth, which is cool. Selfishly that makes me happy. So then I just sit downstairs and practice piano all day. Which just makes the time go by really fast. And makes me feel like I've got something to work towards. I'm finding more creative solace in music right now than anything else. I've been writing a lot of music. I don't share it. One day.
Dane: Maybe she'll share it with me one of these days.
Casey: Oh, so very private.
Dane: Oh, yes.
Ashley: It's definitely more of a therapeutic thing.
Dane: We tried to make a song together.
Ashley: Oh, my God. He made this great beat and I had this cool hook. And he thought it was so dumb and it made me so mad that I didn't want to create with him anymore.
Dane: And that was probably the biggest qualm we've ever had, ever.
Ashley: Yeah. That was like our tenth fight and it was the biggest one. We've never had 10 fights.
Casey: How long have y'all been together?
Ashley: Three years as of three days ago.
Casey: How long have you been married? Two months? Three months?
Ashley: February to March, March to April. Three months. Three, three, three. Dang dude. We got four months until the baby gets here.
And the other thing that I was thinking about is that, when you're having a baby, you're like, "Oh my God am I going to poop on the table? Is it going to hurt? And now at this point, I'm just like, "I just want to be healthy, man. I just want like... is somebody going to be able to visit me?" That's like where we are at this point. It's like, “I don't give a shit if I poop on the table” that's like...
Dane: I told Ashley, because she hasn't been able to really drink a whole lot of soda. And Coke is Ashley's...
Ashley: Vice. If it ain't water or tea, get it out of my house.
Dane: You had some ginger ale, which is good. Ginger ale has been solid. I told her I'd be waiting on the sidelines with a coke. In the hospital room, it's just waiting in a nice cooler for when it's all over. I'm going to toss it right to her.
Ashley: As soon as that little baby flies out. Give me a Coke. And a hot dog. Oh my God, I just want a hot dog.
Dane: The Coke and the hot dog will be cradled in a little baby blanket.
Casey: So kind of in summation for this...
Ashley: Yeah.
Casey: We can keep talking after. But you've had a lot of big changes in this lockdown. So obviously you will remember this time for many reasons but what do you think you'll take away from this chapter?
Ashley: Patience. So much patience. And I'm such a control freak. I want everything to happen on my time. And I want it to happen when I say it does. Dane's over here smiling like a doofus cause he knows it's true. I want to control everything. And there's nothing that you can control. There's nothing… gestures to stomach… there's nothing that I can control.
And there's nothing like being pregnant in a pandemic that makes you feel like you have no control. I'm sure every pregnant lady on the planet right now feels the same way. And mostly just patience like. I'm learning that this is not the end of the world. This is easy. This is easy for me just because I would rather get out of this healthy and with my mental health intact than, you know, fuss and fight. And, you know, be full of piss and vinegar. I don't want to do that.
I'm going to be nicer to people. I don't know if everybody's learned that lesson, but you just never know what people are going through. And we're all going through something right now. So I don't see why everybody doesn't treat everybody that way. But also, that's my personal belief system. And if somebody else's is different, what can I do? That's what I've learned. Jesus take the wheel.
Casey: Anything you'd want to shout out in the future?
Ashley: Shoutout to my baby! I can't wait for them to hear this and listen to how silly their parents are. And shout out to my therapist D'ann at the Link Counseling Center in Sandy Springs. Shout out to my students who are so understanding. I had a little complication right before all this started. So I couldn't really sit up and teach. The complication is gone now.
So I had to stop teaching for a couple weeks before this even happened and they were really understanding then. And then when all this started, they were even more understanding. So big shout out to my students, and Dane's family for taking care of us.
Dane: For real.
Ashley: We're so lucky. That's the other thing I've learned is how lucky I am.
Dane: Big-time lucky.
Ashley: Yeah.
